3 men you’ll date before meeting the one.
You’ve probably heard the phrase, “You may have to kiss a few frogs before you find your prince.” And the truth is you do, there are specific types of men you”ll date before the one. While it might feel frustrating that the dream man just can’t show up at your doorstep…le sigh , especially if you are having dating experiences that are far from pleasant. Hear me out for a rich and eye-opening read that could save you precious time and unnecessary heartaches.
What if those “frogs” weren’t just bad luck, but rather valuable clues? What if these men can act as mirrors, reflecting what you’re truly ready to see within yourself, signaling that your body is trying to communicate and warn you about these men? so you can avoid kissing from the same pool of frogs, ever again.
This perspective can help you evolve into a version of yourself where dating is fun and sexy, and leads to lasting love with a high-quality man who truly adores you.
It’s common for women to want to move on quickly from challenging dating experiences, hoping the next person will be different, without having the awareness and body sensitivity why similar dynamics keep repeating. Instead of blaming it on luck or sentencing your fate in love as doomed, let’s take a moment to slow down, grab some tea and get curious about some common dating experiences and the insights they can provide you.
I’ll share both of my past experiences and those of my clients to help us understand these common 3 men better. Decoding these clues can be key to unleashing your next level in love, and a step closer to meeting a high quality man.
Mr. “High-Value” Avoidant
The dream man on paper. Successful. Ambitious. Dominant energy.
A man with big goals and masculine drive that lit up every room he walked into. Charismatic. Attractive. Confidence. Romantically expressive, he’d surprise me with flowers, thoughtful gifts, even spontaneous trips.
I’d felt like I’d finally met my match with go-getter energy and finally made me feel like a woman because at last! I met someone who knew how to lead. But then, when I started asking for more quality time…When I leaned in, I desired a deeper connection…He leaned out. He would say things like, “This is a lot right now.”“I’m just really focused on work.”
Suddenly, the man who once pursued me with passion became hard to reach. He needed space. Time. He said he’d get back to me when he could see me again. And there I was waiting. Wondering, craving emotional connection. Craving to feel like that woman again, wondering if he found another woman. It was a classic hot and cold dynamic.
Me, feeling anxious and overthinking. Him, distant and avoidant.
I felt addicted to the highs of his romantic efforts and the bits of intimacy he’d offer when it was convenient. I kept trying to be the “understanding” one.
On the surface, telling myself not to interfere with his purpose, his drive, his time with the boys. Maybe this weekend, he’ll plan another date with me. So I waited. Meanwhile, I simmered in a silent rage that he didn’t see my value.
How could someone make me feel so desirable and yet so emotionally abandoned?
A battle between my worth and my frustration. I didn’t want to seem like I was an insecure woman and I didn’t want to ruin the connection by asking for more either . But here’s what I came to see: Underneath My anger…
brought to light the painful truth, that I had prioritized his needs and wishes before my own, mistaking my self-abandonment for love, settling for the breadcrumbs of connection when it was really hunger to be loved.
And seeing that truth cracked something open in me, it made me wonder what might happen if I stopped silencing myself and started owning what I really needed. What would happen.
And so, to the woman who is rightfully so pissed off dealing with this man, what fears are you ready to let go of when you imagine sharing your true needs and desires with this man?
Your fears will be the first step into taking up more space in your connections because you matter. How you feel matters.
A healthy man and love will want to meet your needs and wants.
Mr. Love bomb & his Ghost
A romance that felt like a whirlwind, sweeping you off your feet …literally with undeniable sparks and exhilarating chemistry. There’s mutual attraction, pure fun, and an incredible aliveness when you’re with him. The sexual chemistry is electric, he just knows you and your body, everything he does turns you on. His smell, his breath, his laughs, his stories.
A part of me just knew this is a deeper connection.. a soulmate connection may I dare say his is my twin flame …and an attraction here I’d rarely experienced with any other men. We’d have so many things we have in common about our upbringing and passions in life , we talked about future trips, and adventures together. Then, suddenly, something shifts. Crickets. I don’t feel his energy as much.. Text messages become shorter, three days turn into a week of silence, or some odd, universe-defying event seems to block us from being together planning the next date.
Or he retreats into an “introspective state” of self-discovery and is unreachable. One day he’s pouring into me, telling me I’m the perfect woman. The next? Silence.
This left me spiraling, wondering: “I thought he was into me… I thought we had a great time? Did I say or do something wrong? Is he okay? Did he get hit by a bus?”
Just as I am about to move on with my life, I receive a message: “Hey.” “How are you? I’ve been thinking about you.” Or “I miss us,” “I’m so sorry, [excuse] happened.” Boom.. flooded with memories of how free, sexy, and taken care of I felt during our dates. I knew I wasn’t crazy. There is something deeper here and he feels it too.
I would think “finally, we talked things out and this time will be different,” I was ready to stop dating other people to be with him exclusively. …only to realize, less than a 72hrs later, that his behavior hadn’t changed at all. I was right back in the cycle of exhilarating highs and crushing lows, on again and off again.
And to make it worse, when he was gone, I still found myself yearning for his ghost replaying every interaction, searching for what I could have done differently, desperate to make sense of it all.
Until I became fed up with being fed up, the shackles of this cycle stayed locked tight. But the moment I faced this with radical honesty, I saw the truth that the passionate thrill and intoxicating chemistry I had been chasing were not the same as true compatibility. I had to let hope die, that kept me attached to the idea that he was my one true soulmate and that things would somehow change. I had to accept him for who he truly was, and walk towards myself claiming what I really desired.
When nostalgia tugs you back onto the emotional rollercoaster, pause. Breathe.
Imagine, for a moment,
What would it look like to choose peace ?
It’s okay to cherish the good memories with this man and still choose better for yourself.
You deserve a love that is stable, grounds you and excites you side by side.
Mr. Spiritual & Non-Committal
Meet the modern day peter pan. He loves deep existential conversations, healing work,tantra he may identify as a healer… you him can get lost and vulnerable with each other, he does offer a sense of emotional safety where you can talk about anything with him. I often hear “It felt so good to meet someone who was into all the same things,healing retreats, festivals, finally a man who was into doing the inner work”.
Sex with him could feel cosmic new levels of orgasms and intimacy like you haven’t experienced before.. but he is not into labeling this type of intimacy as a relationship he might say “Let’s not force anything.” “We’re just going with the flow.”But over time, the same question shows up. What are we ?
He’s quick to invite you over, quick to be physically intimate but slow (or evasive) when it comes to defining the connection, he can’t seem to clarify what he wants from you.
No clarity. No direction. No shared vision of what kind of relationship they’re even in.
Are we exclusive, single ? Are we building toward something or just orbiting each other? And suddenly, it’s been months… maybe even years… and they’re still not sure where this relationship is going.
He tends to use spiritual language to bypass any sense concrete answers,
Do you find yourself tangled in “just letting things flow,” endlessly waiting for him to define the terms of this relationship?
My question for you,
What kind of relationship do you actually desire? And how long are you willing to wait for someone to fully choose you to have that relationship ?
Because often underneath just going with the flow:
A willingness to stay for potential, when what you truly long for is certainty, commitment, and being emotionally held.
If asking for clarity feels risky,
That’s where the real work begins.
The work of choosing your possibilities now.
Of letting go of chemistry without commitment.
Of trusting that the man meant for you won’t need to be convinced of years of your previous time and access to your vitality.
As we wrap up some of these clues,
You may notice a man may hold traits from more than one type and that’s not a coincidence. The key is connection to your body , your sensuality.
The awareness of what’s happening in your body connecting with men, is the core that shapes who you choose.
The sooner you recognize and feel who is not aligned, the sooner you can walk away and make space for the kind of love that truly supports the vision you hold in your heart. Because every man plays a supporting role in your love story. A lesson. A mirror. An opportunity to break a cycle of dating the same undesirable men to finally meet your High quality committed man.
Is this cycle of men showing up in your love life ?
I’d love to invite you on chat over some more tea 🫖
Let’s explore what’s really going on and explore how I can help you unlock Love life you deserve.
