TYpes of men you’ll Meet before the one.
You've probably heard the phrase, "You have to kiss a few frogs before you find your prince." And the truth is you do, there are specific types of men you meet before you’ll meet the one. While it might feel frustrating that the dream man just can’t show up at your doorstep…le sigh , Hear me out for a 5 min read.
What if those "frogs" weren't just bad luck, but rather valuable clues to a deeper understanding of yourself? What if these men, no matter how brief, can act as mirrors, reflecting what you're truly ready to see within yourself?
This perspective can help you evolve into a version of yourself where dating is fun and sexy, and leads to lasting love with high-quality men who truly adore you.
It's common for women to move on quickly from challenging dating experiences, hoping the next person will be different, without fully understanding why similar dynamics keep repeating. Instead of blaming it on luck or your fate in love is doomed, let's take a moment to slow down and explore some common dating experiences and the insights they can provide.
I'll share both my own experiences and those of my clients to help us understand these patterns better. Decoding these clues can be key to unleashing your next level in love, your next step closer to meeting the one.
Mr. “High-Value” Avoidant
He was the dream man on paper. Successful. Ambitious. Dominant energy.
A man with big goals and masculine drive that lit up every room he walked into. Charismatic. Attractive. Confidence. Romantically expressive, he’d surprise me with flowers, thoughtful gifts, even spontaneous trips.
I’d felt like I’d finally met my match with go-getter energy and finally made me feel like a woman because at last! I met someone who knew how to lead. But then, when I started asking for more quality time…When I leaned in, I desired a deeper connection…He leaned out. He would say things like, “This is a lot right now.”“I’m just really focused on work.”
Suddenly, the man who once pursued me with passion became hard to reach. He needed space. Time. He said he’d get back to me when he could see me again. And there I was waiting. Wondering, craving emotional connection. Craving to feel like that woman again, wondering if he found another woman. It was a classic hot and cold dynamic.
Me, feeling anxious and overthinking. Him, distant and avoidant.
I felt addicted to the highs of his romantic efforts and the bits of intimacy he’d offer when it was convenient. I kept trying to be the “understanding” one.
On the surface, telling myself not to interfere with his purpose, his drive, his time with the boys. Maybe this weekend, he’ll plan another date with me. So I waited. Meanwhile, I simmered in a silent rage that he didn’t see my value.
How could someone make me feel so desirable and yet so emotionally abandoned?
There was a war inside me.
A battle between my worth and my anger because I didn’t want to seem like I was an insecure woman and I didn’t want to ruin the connection by asking for more either . But here’s what I came to see: Underneath my anger… was a deep fear to voice my needs and a reluctance to be truly seen and chosen without having to prove my worth.
This man reflected back to me a painful truth that I had prioritized his needs and wishes before my own, mistaking my self-abandonment for love, settling for the breadcrumbs of connection when it was really hunger to be loved.
And seeing that truth cracked something open in me, it made me wonder what might happen if I stopped silencing myself and started owning what I really needed.
And so, dear one, what fears are you ready to let go of when you imagine sharing your true needs and desires with this man? Your fears will be the first step into taking up more space in your connections because you matter. How you feel matters.
You don’t have to earn affection through pretending you’re okay with less to be chosen as a priority . The healthy man and love will want to meet your depth and praise it.
Mr. Love bomb & his Ghost
Have you ever experienced a romance that felt like a whirlwind, sweeping you off your feet ...literally with undeniable sparks and exhilarating chemistry? There’s mutual attraction, pure fun, and an incredible aliveness when you’re with him. The sexual chemistry is electric, he just knows you and your body, everything he does turns you on. His smell, his breath, his laughs, his stories.
A part of me just had an inner knowing this is a deeper connection.. a soulmate connection may I dare say his is my twin flame …and an attraction here I’d rarely experienced with any other men. We’d have so many things we have in common about our upbringing and passions in life , we talked about future trips, and adventures together. Then, suddenly, something shifts. Crickets. I don’t feel his energy as much.. Text messages become shorter, three days turn into a week of silence, or some odd, universe-defying event seems to block us from being together planning the next date.
Or he retreats into an “introspective state” of self-discovery and is unreachable. One day he’s pouring into me, telling me I’m the perfect woman.The next? Silence.
This left me spiraling, wondering: "I thought he was into me… I thought we had a great time? Did I say or do something wrong? Is he okay? Did he get hit by a bus?"
Just as I am about to move on with my life, I receive a message: "Hey." "How are you? I've been thinking about you." Or "I miss us," "I’m so sorry, \[excuse\] happened." Boom.. flooded with memories of how free, sexy, and taken care of I felt during our dates. I knew I wasn’t crazy. There is something deeper here and he feels it too.
I would think “finally, we talked things out and this time will be different," I was ready to stop dating other people to be with him exclusively. …only to realize, less than a 72hrs later, that his behavior hadn’t changed at all. I was right back in the cycle of exhilarating highs and crushing lows, on again and off again.
And to make it worse, when he was gone, I still found myself yearning for his ghost replaying every interaction, searching for what I could have done differently, desperate to make sense of it all.
Until I became fed up with being fed up, the shackles of this cycle stayed locked tight. But the moment I faced this with radical honesty, I saw the truth that the passionate thrill and intoxicating chemistry I had been chasing were not the same as true compatibility. I had to let hope die, that kept me attached to the idea that he was my one true soulmate and that things would somehow change. I had to accept him for who he truly was, and walk towards myself claiming what I really desired.
When nostalgia tugs you back onto the emotional rollercoaster, pause. Breathe.
Imagine, for a moment,
What would it look like to choose peace ?
It’s okay to cherish the good memories with this man and still choose better for yourself.
You deserve a love that is stable, grounds you and excites you side by side.
Mr. Spiritual & Non- Committal
Meet the modern day peterpan. He loves deep existential conversations, healing work,tantra he may identify as a healer… you him can get lost and vulnerable with each other, he does offer a sense of emotional safety where you can talk about anything with him. I often hear “It felt so good to meet someone who was into all the same things,healing retreats, festivals, finally a man who was into doing the inner work”.
Sex with him could feel cosmic new levels of orgasms and intimacy like you haven't experienced before.. but he is not into labeling this type of intimacy as a relationship he might say “Let’s not force anything.” “We’re just flowing.” But over time, the same question shows up. What are we ?
He’s quick to invite you over, quick to be physically intimate but slow (or evasive) when it comes to defining the connection, he can’t seem to clarify what he wants from you.
No clarity. No direction. No shared vision of what kind of relationship they’re even in.
Are we exclusive, single ? Are we building toward something or just orbiting each other? And suddenly, it’s been months… maybe even years… and they’re still not sure where this relationship is going.
It feels cosmic.
But it’s going nowhere.
He starts using spiritual language like a shield to bypass responsibility or avoid making things clear.
divine timing… but can’t seem to clarify what he wants from you.
Do you find yourself tangled in “just letting things flow,” endlessly waiting for him to define the terms of this relationship?
My question for you,
What kind of relationship do you actually desire? And how long are you willing to wait for someone to fully choose you to have that relationship ?
Because often underneath just going with the flow:
A willingness to stay for potential, when what you truly long for is certainty, commitment, and being emotionally held.
If asking for clarity feels risky,
That’s where the real work begins.
The work of choosing your possibilities now.
Of letting go of chemistry without commitment.
Of trusting that the man meant for you won’t need to be convinced of years of your previous time and access to your vitality.
Mr. Sexy Con Man
This man carries a magnetic charm. The kind that wins over your friends on the first impression, effortlessly intelligent, socially fluent, and smooth in all the right ways.
I’ve seen this type of man surface many times in the wake of a breakup.
One of my dear friends ended a long-term relationship and soon found herself swept into something new. This new man came in strong with intensity, affection, and future-forward language. He was a fast-mover, Full of big energy, poetic words, and declarations that seemed to speak directly to her heart’s deepest desires.
Early on, he offered what looked like certainty, a sense of emotional safety, specific plans for the future of them together but once exclusivity was established, things began to shift.
What once felt clear slowly unraveled into confusion. Gaps appeared in his stories. Every friend heard a few different versions of his stories he would share. Details didn’t add up. As a friend, how do you show her the warning signs if she is not willing to hear or see them ? Her relationship soon ended when she discovered the devastating truth: he had been cheating, living a double life , complete with a girlfriend and a child she knew nothing about having the carpet of her dreams pulled from beneath her.
This is where the Sexy Con Man’s power lies: not in truth, but his ego’s performance.
Seeing this story play out in a friend and some of my client's love life is heartbreaking and infuriates me feeling another woman's wound of betrayal. These women have big hearts and their love has no bounds but unfortunately, these women who attract this man have a deep pattern of overriding their own intuition. The red flags become green flags with statements like “no body is perfect”, He’s just under a lot of stress right now.” he is processing his childhood wounds at this time” “Maybe I’m overreacting or being too sensitive” It’s just because he’s never been with someone like me before” , explain away inconsistencies, and cling to his promising words while dismissing what her body, heart, or gut may be loudly revealing.
And in doing so, unknowingly trading a value-based foundation for an illusion rooted in empty promises.
To the woman feeling lost, unsure of what or who to believe about this man, I ask:
Are you connected to who he truly is, or to the idea of who you hope he could be?
The moment you decide to see red flags for what they are is the moment you begin reclaiming your power, where the love you deserve never asks you to abandon your inner truth just to be chosen. Surround yourself with girlfriends who want to see you win, who will lovingly remind you of the truth when you forget. Hold tight to the women who love you enough to keep you anchored in reality.
Mr. I’m in transition (The Mooch)
He often comes wrapped in romantic charm and he is a dreamer with big visions but no follow-through. While she’s the one covering the bill, planning the dates, or even lending him money. He moves in fast emotionally or even physically then slowly begins to rely on her energy, her home, her resources. Maybe he claims he just needs “a little help getting back on his feet”… but somehow, that help becomes indefinite. He might praise her ambition and strength, yet subtly expects her to carry the relationship, and may even begin to have the audacity to comment about how she should spend her money.
The common issue here is my client didn’t have clarity of her emotional and financial boundaries, and her giving becomes the glue holding the relationship together. Over time, that giving turns into emotional and financial exhaustion. She starts to feel depleted, resentful, and deeply unmet for all she brings to the table. What once felt like love now feels like weight. And this is where I see so many brilliant women begin to question themselves: Am I asking for too much? Should I be more understanding? Dating this man taps into the inner caretaker, confusing being needed with being truly chosen for romance.
Do you feel your energy is being drained over replenished? Consider checking in..
What role are you playing in your love life ? And what role would you like to be instead?
The moment you define your role, you can then refine your boundaries and start choosing relationships that replenish you, not drain you.
Mr. Fixer Upper
He enters with Vulnerability that can be disarming. He’s sensitive. And at first—it feels refreshing. He opens up quickly, maybe even trauma-dumps on the first few dates.
Shares how he’s been wronged, misunderstood, abandoned. He positions himself as someone who just wants to be loved right for once.
You might hear a lot about how his exes mistreated him. He may even take a little ownership but somehow, he’s always stuck in the role of the one who’s been hurt.
He’s in a constant loop of emotional struggle: job instability, deep lows, personal chaos. And slowly, it becomes your responsibility to hold him.
He says he wants love. He says he sees you. But then he uses his pain as the reason he “just can’t do this right now.”
He reacts to boundaries like they’re abandonment.
He turns every moment of tension into a crisis.
And somewhere along the way, you start to feel guilty for wanting more. Like your desires, your needs, your standards… might be too much for someone who’s been “through so much.”
This is a man who doesn’t need a romantic partner.
He needs a therapist.
His version of therapy could be to get over someone is to get under someone else.
Recognize if you are that someone else is his process of grieving.,
Notice what part of you believes you have to earn love by being helpful, healing, or endlessly understanding?
Because that’s exactly where the hook lives,
In the quiet, deep desire to be the one who heals him and finally be chosen for all the hard work and investment into this man.
As we wrap up some of these clues,
You may notice a man may hold traits from more than one type and that’s not a coincidence. That’s why awareness is everything. Every connection offers clues: to your patterns, your boundaries, and the beliefs that shape who you choose. The sooner you recognize who is not aligned, the sooner you can walk away and make space for the kind of love that truly supports the vision you hold in your heart. Because every man plays a supporting role in your love story.
He is a moment in your becoming.
A lesson.
A mirror.
A test of your commitment towards what you truly want in your heart. And now, with clarity, you have more power to choose differently and rewrite your story of love.
Ready to stop attracting the same men with a different name?
Let’s have a heart to heart chat about what’s really going on and map a new path forward in love.
